It's been 12 years since my mother died and 9 since my father died. I've been looking for family since. I have a sister and some family that I speak to, but I feel foreign with them ... I don't know how to be family with them. I find family in my friends, but there I still feel alone. I still don't feel "necessary" or "part of" the group. I've become such that I seem not to need attention, to need love, to need concern. Least, that's the way I think I'm perceive. "A strong person who's gone through a lot." And yes, I am strong and probably stronger than some, but it doesn't make loneliness easier. One of my deepest fears is knowing that I can survive alone if need be. But I wouldn't be happy, just getting by. I have fleeting moments of happiness when I am with my Shelter, but then it's another day and I'm in my room.